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A Slanted Take on the Sports World

By Tom Kinslow and Dave MiniaciIn other news, Jason Jones was awarded the Chris Henry memorial award for players drafted several rounds too early...An honorable mention goes to Captain Bosch for his brand new signature.
'I didn't even have the TV on,' Jones commented to reporters. 'It was pretty much common sense that no one would draft me until tomorrow, so I was playing Nintendo with my buddies when the phone rang...I thought it was a prank at first, then I thought it was a pizza delivery gone bad...lotsa Jason Jones in the phone book, right?
'And then the dude said he was Mike Reinfeldt...I laughed and said 'who's that?', then he explained that he's some dude with the Titans who drafts people no one has heard of and stuff...I never heard of him, and it seemed really bogus that he would be drafting me in the 2nd round, but what the hell? I asked him if he would be giving me a ton of money to play football, and he said: 'yep', so I'm OK with it...'
Chris Henry tried to deliver the award in person, but kept running full-speed into the side of Jone's house, missing the door altogether...Mr Henry did notice that he could run faster given the fact that his testicles had been snipped off by the front office with the Chris Johnson selection...
when asked for comment, Mike Reinfeldt text-messaged the reply:
'WTF? LOL! OMG! LMAO! TITANS SUCK!'

"I cannot say ever, ever ... But I can say they won't see me [in strip clubs] for the next three or four years."


The Redskins and the Titans managed to sneak their way into the playoffs with victories this weekend. The Redskins travel to Seattle who rested their starters on Sunday and lost to the lowly Falcons. We'll see if that has any effect on the game this weekend. The Titans go to
The best wild card match up is between the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Jaguars beat the Steelers in
Jaguars 31 Steelers 20
Redskins 27 Seahawks 17
Buccaneers 24 Giants 14
Chargers 28 Titans 24
Game of the Week:
New England (15-0) at New York Giants (10-5)- This is the big one. The Patriots are poised to become the second team to ever finish a season undefeated. They shouldn't have any trouble winning either. The Giants are in serious need of some rest and could sit several of their starters since they've locked up the 5th seed in the playoffs. This game should also see several records being broken- the Patriots need 7 points to score the most points ever in a season, Tom Brady needs two touchdown passes to break Peyton Manning's record for most t.d. passes in a season and Randy Moss needs two t.d. receptions to break Jerry Rice's record for most receiving t.d.'s in a season.
Patriots 31 Giants 20
Game of the Week Part 2:
Tennessee (9-6) at Indianapolis (13-2)- The Titans need to win to get into the playoffs. The Colts are probably going to rest their starters, but would do well to win this game to avoid seeing the Titans in the playoffs.
Titans 24 Colts 21
Game of the Week Part 3:
Dallas (13-2) at Washington (8-7)- The Redskins have the inside track to the playoffs and a win would solidify those hopes. The Cowboys have locked up home field advantage throughout the playoffs and will be resting their starters. The Redskins have been looking pretty good as of late, winning a tough game against Chicago, beating the playoff bound Giants in New York and shutting down Adrian Peterson and Minnesota's #1 rushing attack last week in Minneapolis.
Redskins 30 Cowboys 24
Best Game that Doesn't Mean Anything:
Buffalo (7-8) at Philadelphia (7-8)- The Bills are two last second losses from being in the playoffs and the Eagles have finally begun to look like the team that won five of the last six division titles. The Eagles shouldn't have any trouble handling the Bills conservative offense and will salvage a .500 record after an underachieving season.
Eagles 27 Bills 13
Worst Game that Doesn't Mean Anything:
Cincinnati (6-9) at Miami (1-14)- The Dolphins can finish out this forgettable season in style by losing to the Bungles at home. The aforementioned Bungles really need to figure out what is wrong with Carson Palmer if they ever want to challenge for a playoff spot again. They managed to beat the Browns last weekend, but only managed 19 points against the worst scoring defense in the league. Not what you would expect from Palmer when you have targets like Chad Johnson and T.J. Housmandzadeh to throw to.
Bungles 21 Dolphins 13
Please God, Help Me Out and Make them Lose:
Minnesota (8-7) at Denver (6-9)- All signs point to a Vikings victory here. The Bronco's defense is going to have their hands full trying to stop Chester Taylor and Peterson. Their one sure thing on defense, Champ Bailey, will hardly have to break a sweat this game as the Vikings anemic passing game rolls into town. Hopefully the Broncos can take a page out of the Redskins book and stack the box against the run and force Tavaris Jackson to win the game with his arm, otherwise, it's an easy Viking win.
Vikings 38 Broncos 31
All the Rest:
Carolina (6-9) at Tampa Bay (9-6)- The Buccaneers did their part to keep the Patriots from getting Darren McFadden in April's draft by throwing up a stinker against San Francisco last week. Carolina proved that they can beat good teams this year by squeaking out a win over Seattle a few weeks ago, but they won't beat this division winner.
Buccos 17 Panthers 10
New Orleans (7-8) at Chicago (6-9)- Well it's a rematch of last years NFC Championship game and it should go down pretty much the same. The Saints need a win to keep their playoff hopes alive, but they won't win in the cold weather in Chicago. The Bears are suffering from the Super Bowl loser's syndrome, but the injuries haven't helped this year. Still, they should be able to run the ball against the Saints' defense and have a pretty good shot at winning this game.
Bears 21 Saints 17
Jacksonville (11-4) at Houston (7-8)- The Texans will fall short of their first non-losing season in franchise history. The Jaguars Fred Taylor has just been tearing it up lately and Maurice Jones-Drew can do the same thing when Taylor is resting.
Jaguars 28 Texans 20
Seattle (10-5) at Atlanta (3-12)- With a loss here, the Falcons are looking at the #2 pick in the draft next spring. Hopefully they'll be able to address some of their quarterback issues then. The Seahawks can wrap up the #3 seed in the playoffs by winning this week.
Seahawks 31 Falcons 14
Detroit (7-8) at Green Bay (12-3)- The Packers can beat anyone in the NFC... as long as it's not the Bears or Cowboys. They're 0-3 against those two teams and 13-0 against the rest of the league. Last weeks blowout loss to Chicago cost the Packers an extra home game in the playoffs and we all know that Brett Favre has never won in Dallas. We'll see if that will cost them later. The Lions on the other hand are just trying to get to .500 after squandering a promising season. That won't happen though.
Packers 35 Lions 27
San Francisco (5-10) at Cleveland (9-6)- This game is completely meaningless for both teams. The Browns can lose and still make the playoffs if Tennessee loses too, but if both teams win, then the Browns miss out on the playoffs. The 49ers have suddenly learned how to win in December, but not until their season was already lost. It doesn't help that they won't have a first round pick next spring.
Browns 38 49ers 21
Pittsburgh (10-5) at Baltimore (4-11)- The Steelers sure are going to miss Willie Parker in the playoffs. Not this week as the Ravens are on a 9 game losing streak don't figure to end it Sunday, but the Steelers are going to miss him if they end up playing Jacksonville in the first round of the playoffs. They have to pray that San Diego loses this week to avoid that rematch next week.
Steelers 27 Ravens 13
San Diego (10-5) at Oakland (4-11)- The Chargers picked the right time to get hot. Winners of five straight games, they should extend that this week and secure the #3 seed in the playoffs. They may even win a playoff game this year. The Raiders are finishing a forgettable season yet again.
Chargers 34 Raiders 17
St. Louis (3-12) at Arizona (7-8)- The Cardinals should finish this year with some respectability with an 8-8. The Rams are looking forward to draft day.
Cardinals 21 Rams 10
Kansas City (4-11) at New York Jets (3-12)- The Chiefs need to win here to avoid finishing last in their division and it shouldn't be that hard against this pathetic Jets team. Chad Pennington is hoping to spend less time on his back this week though as Tennessee sacked him six times a week ago.
Chiefs 17 Jets 9
Game of the Week:
New York Jets (3-10) at New England (13-0)- This is the one we've all been waiting for since week 1 when Eric “Not-so-Man-Genius” Mangini blew the whistle on Bill “I-can't-believe-we-got-caught-filming-their-crappy-signals” Belichick for taping his team's crappy signals. The relationship between the two is already frosty and this incident is just fuel for the fire of what should become an intense rivalry for years to come. The question here isn't “Will the Patriots win?” The question is “What scoring records will the Patriots break in the slaughter that is to come?” The most points scored in an NFL game occurred in 1940 when the Chicago Bears beat the Washington Redskins 73-0 to win the NFL title. That is also the greatest margin of victory in the NFL. Chances are Belichick knows this and will try to break it this weekend. Is 100 points out of the question?
Patriots 81 Jets 13
Game of the Week Part 2:
Jacksonville (9-4) at Pittsburgh (9-4)- Anthony Smith might want to keep his mouth shut in the future. He guaranteed a win against the Patriots and then was burned twice for long touchdowns. If the loss wasn't bad enough, the Steelers found out that stud defensive end Aaron Smith is out for the rest of the season with torn biceps. The Jaguars on the other hand are getting solid production from running back Fred Taylor who has three straight 100 yard games for the first time since 2004. While he won't get 100 this week, the Jags offense will prove too much for the Steelers hurting defense to handle.
Jaguars 24 Steelers 20
Dud of the Week:
Baltimore (4-9) at Miami (0-13)- Something has to give this week. Either the Ravens' seven game losing streak or the Dolphins 16 game losing streak. The Ravens' Ray Lewis and Ed Reed have too much pride to lose this game, but can that translate into some offensive success for the Ravens? The Dolphins continue to find new and interesting ways to lose their games, and I've become fairly certain that most Division 1-FBS teams could beat them... including Notre Dame. I'm pretty sure that Boston has sucked up all the will to win from Miami teams. The Marlins got rid of their only decent players, the Dolphins are one of the most inept teams ever to play in the NFL, the Heat have forgotten how to win, and Florida International University has gone over two years without winning a football game. This year in Boston, the Red Sox won the World Series, the Patriots are mowing through opponents, the Celtics are a stunning 18-2 and even the Bruins are on track to make the playoffs. Oh did I mention that Boston College nearly won the ACC title this year too? Conspiracy? I think so.
Ravens 27 Dolphins 13
Master vs. Apprentice:
Denver (6-7) at Houston (6-7)- There may be a little more love between Mike Shanahan and his former assistant Greg Kubiak than there is between Belichick and Mangini, but only one team can win this game and with the teams pretty evenly matched I'm sticking with the Master on this one. The Broncos are bad on the road, but Houston's running attack of Ron Dayne and Ahman Green doesn't scare me. Both teams are coming off nice wins last week- the Texans upset Tampa Bay last week and Denver blew Kansas City out of the water.
Broncos 28 Texans 24
How Did This Get Primetime?
Cincinnati (5-8) at San Francisco (3-10)- Cincinnati can salvage some dignity out of a pretty bad season by finishing with a four game winning streak to go 8-8. With San Francisco, Miami, and a home date with Cleveland, this isn't out of the question. The 49ers on the other hand, can look forward to a 3-13 record and a high first round draft choice that could help right the ship... oh wait, they traded that to the Patriots... damn.
Bungles 34 49ers 17
Sunday Night:
Washington (6-7) at New York Giants (9-4)- Woah woah woah- it's the middle of December and the Giants aren't choking? What's wrong with the league these days? No matter, the Redskins can make up for their second half collapse against the Giants in week three by going into the Meadowlands and stealing a victory to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. Eli has found ways to win two close games lately, but his luck is going to run out here.
Redskins 26 Giants 21
Monday Night:
Chicago (5-8) at Minnesota (7-6)- San Fransisco managed to contain Adrian Peterson last week, but its nice to have a backup running back that produces the way Chester Taylor does. The Vikings will ride this two headed monster as far as they can in the playoffs. I'm not sure anyone wants to face this team right now, certainly not the Bears who are suffering from the Super Bowl loser's hangover.
Vikings 38 Bears 20
All the rest:
Atlanta (3-10) at Tampa Bay (8-5)- Atlanta lost coach Bobby Petrino Tuesday when he resigned and signed on to be head coach at Arkansas. This ends any hopes of a Petrion-Brian Brohm reunion in Atlanta next season, but that doesn't mean the Falcons should pass on drafting Brohm this year. With Vick locked away for 23 months, they need a viable option at quarterback. Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich are not those options. The Buccaneers on the other hand were embarrassed by Houston last week and need to come back strong here because New Orleans still has a shot at winning the division.
Buccos 24 Falcons 14
Seattle (9-4) at Carolina (5-8)- Vinny Testaverde was the starter again in Carolina last week and David Carr's career is likely over as he was dropped to third on the depth chart. I kinda feel bad for the guy, he never got a chance to play with a team that had anything that resembles an offensive line. If God really hates him, Carr will be starting for St. Louis next year. The Seahawks meanwhile have wrapped of the NFC West and is in good position for the third seed in the playoffs if they keep winning. Games against teams like the Panthers help.
Seahawks 31 Panthers 7
Green Bay (11-2) at St. Louis (3-10)- The Packers are pretty much locked into the second seed in the NFC and a first round bye, but an upset loss to the Rams could make things interesting. It won't happen though because the Rams most likely won't have Marc Bulger back for the game. Call me crazy, but I don't trust Gus Frerotte or Brock Berlin (who the hell is he?) to lead the Rams to an upset. Here's the funky stat of the week: even though the Rams started 0-8, they weren't officially eliminated from the playoffs until their loss this past Sunday. Any takers for the NFC being mediocre?
Packers 38 Rams 24
Arizona (6-7) at New Orleans (6-7)- Well the Cardinals playoff hopes took a huge hit last week in Seattle thanks in part to Kurt Warner's FIVE interceptions. Therefore, he has won my “I'm doing my best Rex Grossman impression” award this week. The Cardinals better find a win this week, or they can kiss the playoffs goodbye. The Saints want this game bad, with Tampa Bay losing last week, they have an outside shot of winning the division for the second year in a row. Funky stat of the week #2: The Cardinals haven't been above .500 in week 13 of the season since 1986. I wasn't even born then. How's that for futility.
Saints 27 Cardinals 24
Buffalo (7-6) at Cleveland (8-5)- This is the first time since the 1980's these two teams have played a meaningful game. This game will go a long way towards determining who's in and who's out of the playoffs this year. The winner of this game has the inside track to the final wild card spot.
Browns 34 Bills 28
Tennessee (7-6) at Kansas City (4-9)- The Titans all but killed their chances when they blew a two touchdown lead late in the 4th quarter to San Diego last week. However, even though they're traveling to Arrowhead Stadium, they should be able to handle the Chiefs and keep their playoff hopes alive for another week. A loss here and they're done.
Titans 27 Chiefs 14
Indianapolis (11-2) at Oakland (4-9)- The Raiders made the Super Bowl in 2002 and haven't recovered since. They haven't won more than 4 games in a season since then and are looking at their 4th 4-12 finish in 5 seasons. The Colts on the other hand have had only one season with more than 4 losses since 2002 when they went 10-6. They're also looking at their second 14 win season in 2 years.
Colts 44 Raiders 7
Detroit (6-7) at San Diego (8-5)- 10 wins went out the window last week with a last second loss to the Cowboys. The Lions did, however, show two things last week. They're not dead, and they know how to run the football. The Chargers have finally gotten back to the power rushing style of play that made them so successful last season and had a nice come from behind win last week against Tennessee. This is gonna be a good one, but in the end the Chargers should pull it out again.
Chargers 24 Detroit 20
Philadelphia (5-8) at Dallas (12-1)- The Cowboys look pretty unstoppable right now. Tony Romo has orchestrated two last second wins this year and the Cowboys will wrap up home field advantage throughout the playoffs with a win this week. The Eagles are stumbling again after a mid season push that brought them to .500. They could easily finish the year 5-11 with a six game losing streak since they have an away game in New Orleans next week and finish out the year against Buffalo at home. Both of those teams are fighting for their playoff lives and the Eagles will suffer from it.
Dallas 41 Eagles 27
Last week: 14-2Game of the Week:
Patriots 30 Steelers 23
Dud of the Week:
Bengals 38 Rams 24
Redskins 24 Bears 20
Jaguars 27 Panthers 17
Giants 34 Eagles 21
Buccaneers 20 Texans 7
Bills 27 Dolphins 13
Packers 31 Raiders 17
Dallas (11-1) at Detroit (6-6)- Well Jon Kitna, you'd better find something fast because ten losses is looking much more likely than ten wins this year.
Cowboys 45 Lions 24
Titans 28 Chargers 24
Vikings 35 49ers 14
Seahawks 30 Caridnals 27
Browns 42 Jets 20
Broncos 27 Chiefs 20
Colts 30 Ravens 21
Saints 38 Falcons 20
So after a two week hiatus due to loads of school work and some great Thanksgiving food, my picks have made their glorious return to tell you, my faithful one or two readers, who to pick this weekend. But before we get into the picks, I ask you all, that in honor of the Redskins' Sean Taylor, please follow this link and vote to put Sean Taylor, the NFL's best safety, into the Pro Bowl, where he most assuredly would have been for years to come had his life not been snatched from us so early in his career. Here's to you #21.
Game of the Week:
Green Bay (10-1) at Dallas (10-1)- Three weeks ago we got a match-up of unbeatens in the AFC that would determine home field throughout the AFC playoffs. Now we have a match-up in the NFC that will determine home field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs. I like the Packers in this game even though they're likely going to be playing with out Charles Woodson. Look for T.O. to drop a few key passes. The Cowboys have yet to prove they can stop anyone through the air and Brett Favre is still a better quarterback than Tony Romo. Plus Romo may very well be day dreaming about Jessica Simpson the entire game. I mean, I would be.
Packers – 38 Cowboys – 24
Dud of the Week:
New York Jets (2-9) at Miami (0-11)- The Dolphins best shot at winning a game this year comes against the Jets. Even though the Jets did manage to beat the Steelers two weeks ago that can be considered a fluke win. However, Miami will exhibit new ineptitude in finding yet another way to lose a game. Can anyone say 2-0 Jets in overtime?
Jets – 2 Dolphins – 0 (OT)
Best Game that No One Cares About:
Buffalo (5-6) at Washington (5-6)- The Redskins should be fired up for this game after the tragic shooting death of star safety Sean Taylor. If they don't come out in this game impassioned and ready to roll then something is wrong. The Bills will provide a stiff test for the Redskins, but in the end, the Skins will triumph and the Bills will prove yet again that they are still one piece short of being a contender.
Redskins – 24 Bills – 10
Worst Game that No One Cares About:
Atlanta (3-8) at St. Louis (2-9)- The Rams still haven't won at home this year which is surprising as they usually post one of the best home records in the league. The worst thing either of these teams could do right now is go on a winning streak to rise from the dredges of the league into mere mediocrity. Both teams need to fall into high draft picks for next year. That being said, the Rams are still a dangerous team that has been devastated by injuries.
Rams – 27 Falcons – 17
Game with the Most Interesting Story Lines:
Seattle (7-4) at Philadelphia (5-6)- The Seahawks have benefited from playing in a weak division yet again. However, a loss to the Eagles makes things interesting in the division as the Cardinals are lurking just 2 games back. The Eagles on the other hand could be right back in the mix of the wild card with a win. They showed last week that they can scare teams and play pretty good football. The Eagles also have the luxury of playing at home instead of against the Seahawks 12th man.
Eagles – 24 Seahawks – 21
Sunday Night Sleeper:
Cincinnatti (4-7) at Pittsburgh (8-3)- Are the Steelers part of the elite or just posers? Well it doesn't much matter in this game as the Bengals defense is still atrocious. Hopefully the Steelers will have their field problems worked out in time for this game. That being said, the Steelers defense should have no problems handling the Bengals offense even with a rejuvenated Chad Johnson. Just don't look ahead to New England, or you might find yourself tied with Cleveland in the division race.
Steelers – 20 Bengals – 7
Monday Night Massacre:
New England (11-0) at Baltimore (4-7)- You think the Patriots want a big win? Two of their last three games they've actually been trailing late but managed to pull out the victory. Next week they're facing the league's best defense. The Pats will look to make a statement against the Ravens, who's offense is about as good as it was last year (terrible) but who's defense has proven it can no longer carry the team. For the third straight week, I'm predicting the Pats to hang 50+ points on a team. You can bet the house that Tom Brady will be throwing for touchdowns on fourth and short with three minutes left and a 30 point lead.
Patriots – 56 Ravens - 14
All the Rest:
San Diego (6-5) at Kansas City (4-7)- Herm Edwards decided to be ballsy at the wrong moment last week. Going for it took guts, but backfired on him. The Chiefs really needed a win last week as their division hopes are fading fast. The best thing they have going for them this week is that the Chargers are 1-4 on the road.
Chargers – 30 Chiefs – 17
Houston (5-6) at Tennessee (6-5)- The Titans need a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. The Texans are looking more like the two win teams of years past than the team that started this season.
Titans – 17 Texans – 10
Jacksonville (8-3) at Indianapolis (9-2)- These two teams met late last season in what was a disastrous game for the Colts. They recovered nicely to go on and win the Super Bowl. This year however, a loss may cost them the division and a home game in the playoffs. The Jaguars have been looking pretty good lately.
Jaguars – 34 Colts – 28
San Fransisco (3-8) at Carolina (4-7)- The 49ers surprised everyone last week and showed they still know how to win a game, although they kinda lucked into it. The Panthers on the other hand are still starting different quarterbacks every week, but hey, I guess anyone can qb when you have Steve Smith to throw to.
Panthers – 24 49ers – 17
Detroit (6-5) at Minnesota (5-6)- The Lions were flying high this season and Jon Kitna's prediction of 10 wins looked like a real possibility... that is until the Lions hit the meat of their schedule. Three straight losses to Arizona, the New York Giants and Green Bay with Dallas, San Diego and a rematch with Green Bay left to go makes this look like an 8-8 season at best. The Vikings can win if they have a healthy Adrian Peterson and if the secondary suddenly learns how to cover the wide recievers.
Lions – 38 Vikings – 20
Cleveland (7-4) at Arizona (5-6)- You'll find no bigger Cincinnati fans than Browns fans this week. A win coupled with a Pittsburgh loss to Cincinnati will put the Browns in an unfamiliar position: 1st place in the division. And with a total of zero games remaining against winning teams, the Browns, yes that's right, the Cleveland “We Don't Know How To Handle a Winning Football Team” Browns could finish the year 12-4. Someone go check the temperature in hell please, I think it's frozen over.
Browns – 35 Cardinals – 28
Denver (5-6) at Oakland (3-8)- Is there a worse team in the NFL that is still in contention for the division title? I think not. That being said, the Raiders finally snapped their losing streak against the AFC West last week with a win at Kansas City. Look for them to start a new record of futility this week.
Broncos – 28 Raiders – 17
New York Giants (7-4) at Chicago Bears (5-6)- Is it November? It must be because the Giants are losing again. After two straight years of 6-2 starts, the Giants have started sliding back down to earth. Eli Manning must have thought Halloween was at the end of November, not October, as he came to the Minnesota game dressed as Rex “Sex Cannon” Grossman. Seriously, three pick sixes? How do you do that? More disturbing is the fact that I still got 12 fantasy points from him... This week will be a race to see who can throw the most interceptions, Grossman or Manning. I've got my money on Grossman, but at least the Bears have Devin Hester who could very well break the NFL record for most returns for touchdowns by the end of the season. He'd be out of a job if opposing teams would just kick out of bounds.
Hester – 14 Giants – 10
Tampa Bay (7-4) at New Orleans (5-6)- The Buccaneers had a solid win at Washington last week and they should make the playoffs easily now. The Saints playoff hopes hinge on this game, a win and they're a game out of first in the division, a loss all but eliminates them from contention.
Buccos – 20 Saints - 14


PALMETTO BAY, Fla. -- Washington Redskins star safety Sean Taylor was shot at his home Monday and was in critical condition, and police are investigating a possible robbery.This is just sad and more and more athletes seems to be victims of home robberies. Then people wonder why athletes arm themselves, its just one violent, sad cycle.Officers were sent to Taylor's home at about 1:45 a.m. after his girlfriend called 911 and said he was shot in his lower body, Lt. Nancy Perez said. He was airlifted to Jackson Memorial Hospital, she said, but did not disclose how many times he was shot.
The Miami Herald reported paramedics found Taylor with a gunshot wound to the groin. A family friend who did not want to be identified told ABC-TV 10 in Miami that Taylor was shot twice.
Investigators were still interviewing the girlfriend and other relatives who were in the home to try to determine what happened, Perez said.