9:03 p.m: What the fuck happened to Mike Breen?! Guy had a bandaid over his left eyebrow and a shitty goatee. I smell a weeklong bender...
9:06 p.m: Doc Rivers is the worst at giving pre-game speeches I've ever heard. It's a travesty that this joker got Coach of the Year.
9:08 p.m: I'm surprised Garnett isn't cursing at that Verizon employee. "You mean I can watch any motherfucking show I want?! On any fucking TV in my motherfucking house?! Get the fuck out!"
9:10 p.m: Ray Allen a.k.a Jesus Shuttlesworth just looked like he was late for his bus and was called for the steps. Has there been any athlete to fall off as fast as Ray Allen? Rocky Balboa in Rocky V thinks Ray Allen has fallen off.
9:11 p.m: It's less than an hour in to the coverage and I've seen Eddie House's crack baby twice. Excellent.
9:12 p.m: Two possessions for the Lakers, two bad calls by the refs on out of bounds calls.
9:13 p.m: Lakers need to box out. Garnett out hustled them on two rebounds. Ray Allen also missed a wide open three pointer.
9:14 p.m: Doc Rivers doesn't think he's job has changed. He's right. He still sucks, this time he just sits back and watch The Wee Three do their own thing. I like to call it the Flip Saunders Special.
9:15 p.m: Derek Fisher misses a pair from the stripe. Gotta hit those if you're gonna beat Boston.
9:16 p.m: Kendrick Perkins is a very angry black man. This guy never smiles. Ever. If this were the XFL it would say "Angry Black Man" on his jersey.
9:18 p.m: Garnett with a big jam, sending the Boston Bandwagoners to their feet. Also, am I the only one who thinks that the huge NBA Championship sticker at mid-court is just a smidge gaudy?
9:20 p.m: TV Timeout. Boston 10, Lakers 10
9:24 p.m: Lamar "Scrotom" Odom was just called for a goal tend. Looked clean to me.
9:25 p.m: Vladimir Radmanovich was just called for his second foul. Time to ride the pine and hopefully shave that beard.
9:27 p.m: Lakers called for a bad backcourt violation. No love from the refs. David Stern probably met with the refs prior to the tip and was like "Alright guys, we need to milk this for all it's worth. It's going seven games. Ready............break!
9:28 p.m: Lakers timeout. Boston 19, Lakers 14. Ray Allen hit a three to really get the bandwagoners jumping. He's got 6 points on two of three shooting.
9:30 p.m: Adam Sandler in "You Don't Mess With The Zohan." The man must be stopped. I can't remember the last time the guy made a movie that I really enjoyed.
9:33 p.m: Pau Gasol just blocked the shit out of Kendrick Perkins.
9:34 p.m: "I've got a play...post Garnett."- Jeff Van Gundy. Too bad Garnett is the anti-clutch.
9:35 p.m: Kobe Bryant is 1/7 from the field....and Kevin Garnett misses an alley-oop. Garnett = Fail
9:36 p.m: Make that 2/8 for Kobe.
9:37 p.m: End of First Quarter: Boston 23, Lakers 21.
9:38 p.m: "I give you the center of the earth."- Brendan Fraser in "Journey to the Center of the Earth." There's one movie I won't be seeing. I'd rather watch "The Marine" with John Cena until my eyes bleed, which would be halfway through the first showing, than watch that turd.
9:41 p.m: An interview with Phil Jackson. I never got these interviews. Don't these guys have coaching to do? Plus, why should we have coach speak shoveled down our throats?
9:42 p.m: Lamar Odom out rebounded by Ray Allen leading to a Celtics basket. What pile of trash he is.
9:44 p.m: Sam Cassell hits a contested jumpshot. Good for that geezer. I'd give him that all century. That Gollum looking bastard couldn't hit that all day if he tried.
9:46 p.m: Maybe I'm wrong...again. Cassell hits a contested fade away shot. Sam's hitting the rewind button on his career.
9.47 p.m: TV Timout: Boston 29, Lakers 25
9:48 p.m: "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army." I just found a movie worse than that Journey to the Center of the Earth crap. How long until "The Dark Knight" again?
9:51 p.m: Now we're discussing if Kobe is as good or better than Jordan. Here's the answer. NO!
9:52 p.m: Cassell hits another one. The Celtics must have showed him this blog.
9:53 p.m: I'm so sick of the fellating of Boston. Let's just tell it like it is. They tanked to try to get Oden or Durant and that didn't work. So thanks to them not getting the pick the tried to tank for they got Garnett and Allen and the Wee Three and a whole generation of bandwagoners were born. Yes, I'm bitter.
9:56 p.m: "I can't believe they said Kevin Garnett isn't a winner because he hasn't won."- Marc Jackson. Hate to break it to you Marc, but winning a title makes you a winner. Not making it to two conference finals ever.
9:57 p.m: Another bad foul call on Gasol. Let the players play.
9:58 p.m: Garnett hits another jumper and has 16 in the first half
9:59 p.m: TV Timeout. Boston 40, Lakers 35
10:03 p.m: Cassell draws a charge on Kobe. What the hell is going on? Cassell came down the floor and missed a three, so maybe we're back to the normal Sam.
10:04 p.m: Pierce is called for a charge and that's three fouls. Time to sit the pine. Only three points for him by the way.
10:05 p.m: Gasol throws it down strong. Not a man in that frontcourt for Boston that can stop him.
10:06 p.m: Rajon Rondo is bitchmade. Plain and simple. Guy heard footsteps and fumbled the ball away.
10:07 p.m: Gasol with another jam. He's got eight and the Lakers take a 43-42 lead.
10:08 p.m: TV Timeout. Lakers 45, Boston 42.
10:13 p.m: Ellen Pompeo from "Grey's Anatomy" is in the crowd. Someone kill her and stop the madness!
10:16 p.m: Derek Fisher is up to 13 points. Damn.
10:17 p.m: Halftime. Lakers 51, Boston 46.
10:28 p.m: The Magic/Bird ad just aird and let me just say that Larry looks like hell.
10:33 p.m: Man, what the fuck was Larry thinking with that moustache back in the day?
10:39 p.m: WOW! Pierce gets fouled, heaves up a three and banks it in. You'll see that in your SportsCenter Top 10.
10:40 p.m: Pierce completes the four point play.
10:42 p.m: It's 10:42 p.m on Thursday, June 5, 2008 and Kendrick Perkins is still angry.
10:43 p.m: Radmanovich picks up his fourth foul. That's trouble.
10:45 p.m: "Don't eyeball me boy!"- Jeff Van Gundy to Marc Jackson. Racist much Jeff?
10:47 p.m: Kobe hits a pretty runner in the lane and Pierce is down on the ground holding his calf. It looks like Perkins landed on him or something. Timeout on the floor. Lakers 62, Celtics 58.
10:50 p.m: Paul Pierce headed to the back in a wheelchair. What a pussy.
10:51 p.m: LOL at Paul Pierce being carried. At least Brian Scalabrine is earning that paycheck somehow.
10:52 p.m: Perkins is up to four fouls, three in this quarter and now he's limping...but still angry.
10:54 p.m: Shuttlesworth hits a three and the game is tied and the crowd is back in it.
10:55 p.m: Lamar Scrotom misses two from the stripe and the crowd goes nuts as Pierce comes hopping out from the locker room...and he's checking in.
10:56 p.m: Pierce has a sprained knee and has a sleeve on said knee.
10:57 p.m: TV Timeout. Boston 63, Lakers 62.
11:00 p.m: Did Doc Rivers say "What did the guy from South Africa say?" Ugh.
11:03 p.m: Perkins has a left ankle sprain and is returning. Garnett fouls Vujacic on a three. Way to go Anti-Clutch.
11:05 p.m: Derek Fisher brought the Alley and Kobe Bryant brought the Oop.
11:07 p.m: PJ Brown's having a party. What kind of party? A block party. Who's invited? Everybody.
11:08 p.m: Pierce hits back to back three pointers and the Celtics are up four.
11:09 p.m: Pierce picks up his fourth foul.
11:10 p.m: Did Marc Jackson just compare Paul Pierce to Willis Reed? Fire that man.
11:10 p.m: Rondo was shaken up on a collision. These guys need to suck it up before they havta change their name to the Boston Bitchmade's
11:11 p.m: End of the third quarter. Celtics 77, Lakers 73.
11:16 p.m: Puke Walton is called for a loose ball foul after a bad shot. Someone bench that man.
11:18 p.m: "Chants of 'defense.' They've heard it all year long."- Mike Breem. And so has every other NBA team...jackass.
11:19 p.m: Brian Scalebrine looks awful pissed off during that shot of the bench. Must have got Pierce's leg sweat on him while carrying him.
11:21 p.m: James Posey hits a big three and the Celtics go up 86-76 and the Lakers take a timeout.
11:27 p.m: Seven minutes to go and the Lakers have Puke Walton, Lamar Scrotom, Pau Gasol, Derek Fisher and Sasha Vujacic. Where's the Mamba?!
11:28 p.m: TV Timeout. Boston 86, Lakers 82.
11:31 p.m: An ad for The Strangers. If you're into horror movies in the least bit, check that one out. I enjoyed it.
11:32 p.m: The Mamba's back in. Whew. All is right with the world.
11:33 p.m: Vujacic misses a wide open three and Gasol misses an uncontested two spot. Epic Fail. Puke Walton fouls PJ Brown. Way to go kid. Way to suck as much as your Dad does at broadcasting.
11:35 p.m: Scrotom with a dumb push off on a missed shot and fouls Pierce. Lakers in the penalty.
11:36 p.m: Pierce is bleeding thanks to Scrotom. At least he got a good piece of him I suppose.
11:37 p.m: Kobe misses a highly contested shot with no ball movement. Bad possession. There are other players on your team Kobe.
11:38 p.m: Scrotom...AND THE FOUL!!! TV timeout. Celtics 90, Lakers 84 with less than three minutes to go.
11:41 p.m: Lamar Odom hits a foul shot. IT'S A MIRACLE!!!
11:42 p.m: Shuttlesworth is fouled and only hits one of two. Six point game.
11:43 p.m: Two minutes to go.
11:43 p.m: Look at Doc Rivers try to act like he's involved. It's cute in a pathetic sort of way.
11:45 p.m: That went of Radmanovich? Seriously? C'mon Dick Bavetta.
11:46 p.m: Dear. God. Kevin Garnett is a bad, bad man. Follow up slam by The Big Ticket. There was no box out and Gasol will be on a Kevin Garnett poster in the near future.
11:48 p.m: Garnett hits two big foul shots. Could he no longer be the Anti-Clutch? Nah.
11:50 p.m: WHY ARE THE LAKERS NOT FOULING? Morons. I blame Scrotom for this.
11:50 p.m: Lakers waited until 16.6 seconds left in a three possession game to foul. Awesome.
11:52 p.m: 10 point game. Time to close up shop. Game two on Sunday.
11:53 p.m: The Lakers are 5/20 from the floor in the fourth. I'm no expert, but I believe that's where the game turned in the Celtics' favor.
11:54 p.m: "I just sucked it up and pushed it."- Paul Pierce. That's what she said.
Alrighty readers (Do we have readers?). I'll be back for Game 2 of the Finals on Sunday for more of my "insight." Until then, enjoy 72 hours of Finals coverage by ESPN.
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